Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

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Scarlett
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Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 3:20 pm

Just before you read this I just want to point out that I've been voted best writer of the year so the story does get better and people actually (surprisingly) like my writing.
This is a story about a new girl in the life of Artemis (And yes she's based on me. I'm just being honest and aren't I sad?). It's written from Jessica (the love interest's) point of view.
This story is different from the others you might have read. In this Artemis finds himself in a different world, not unlike his. the only differences are (1) the fairy people are not on or under the earth (2) his home, family and friends have dissapiered and (3) he finds that all his fairy related adventures are recorded in the Artemis Fowl series(much to his embarresment).
Tell me if this is a good plot to start with and I will write the first chapter.
Also, if you do like this story then please please comment.
Last edited by Scarlett on Sun Jan 08, 2012 10:21 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Scarlett
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 3:27 pm

And by the way, if I get your approvel, this will be my first shot at this so don't get your hopes up. but try to encorage me...please.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Scarlett
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 5:05 pm

I sat up in bed groggely.
First day of the Christmas hols, FINALLY. no more school for this girl for a whole...4 weeks. then back to torture.
I sight deeply and droped down onto my bed again. It's just like me to think on the negative side of things. I needed to clear my head.
My hand found itself wondering lazily across my on going bookshelves. It lingered on the spine of an old, battered paperback copy of Artemis Fowl. I remembered fondly of when Mum had given it to me. It wasn't even my birthday. It was about 4 years ago now.
I slotted the book out of it's reserved space on the shelf, next to my head, and started reading. It's an absolutly fantastic book I thought to myself. God if only this kind of thing happened in real life.
As I was just finishing the fifth chapter my extremely annoying younger sister, Mindi, barged in. She had been awake for nearly 4 hours and her shoulder length hair was still as messy as it had been when she had got out of bed last thursday. Shes 13 (a year younger than me) and she still gets on my nerves.
"JESS!!! You've been up here nearly all morning and you still need to feed the cats"
"Go away jerk" I retorted. She looked hurt. but then she always looks hurt when she wants something. Well it's either a hurt look or an I'm-gonna-kill-you look.
"What are you reading anyway" she sniffed. she looked at the cover. "I don't see how you can read that. I mean Fairies with guns is just so unrealistic. What happened to flowery dresses and wands?"
My sister would believe almost anything. Anything but Fairies with guns.
" Well I just find troll fighting fairies more interesting than miniture people sitting on flowers" I replied.
She narrowed her eyes at me.
" Well Mum says you need to come downstairs to feed the cats and clean their litter boxes"
I rolled my eyes.
"fine I'm coming"

Shopping. not my favourite pasttime but I would make an exception for the reopening of the local book store. My eyes scanned the shelves of books hungrily. I glanced longingly at a copy of The Atlantice Complex. I had read it but it was from the library and I would have prefered a copy of my own. Anyway, I came out of the shop empty handed at about 6pm.
As I was walking down the street towards my house I heard a rustling sound from an alyway next to me. I walked, tentively down it and spotted a skip. I realized the sound was comeing from there. It sounded like wind. Like a minie tornado was trapped in there.
"Hello?" I called tentively as I steped in front of it.
Suddenly it leaped away from the wall with a huge jolt then settled. Out of it stumbled a very scruffy looking boy with raven black hair and an even scruffier looking suit, looking bemused and just plain terrified.
I didn't know what to say other than " Um...Hi"
The boy shook his head and looked about in alarm.
"I'm Jessica" I tried.
He looked at me, eyes wide.
Finally he made to shake my hand and replied, in a daze,
"Artemis Fowl"
Then he passed out.


Well I hope you liked the first chapter. Please tell me if I should carry on. :laughing:
Last edited by Scarlett on Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Scarlett
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Posts: 518
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 5:25 pm

Or you could at least give me hints on how to improve this piece. :( And yes I know the skip of all places. would you have prefered a cardboard box?
Last edited by Scarlett on Sat Oct 15, 2011 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Multiverse
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Multiverse » Sat Oct 15, 2011 5:54 pm

Okay; just to warn you, I will be nitpicking on your work. But don´t think I´m doing it in a mean spirit. I´m just writing what parts I think you could improve on to enchance your writing skills. =)

First of all, this looks very much like a case of wishful thinking. I mean, come on - is there anyone on this board who wouldn´t like to meet Artemis Fowl II in person (in a non-intimidating situation, obviously)? This is fine and absolutely acceptable, but remember to make it not all about the wonderful and amusing things you´d do with Artemis. People want to read dynamic stories, which is something simple wishes just aren´t (this is why bad things always happens to good, fictional people).

Second, grammar and spelling. In literary works, in particular, this is extremely important, because a reader will be less inclined to focus on the story when their attention is constantly turned to the question of what this or that word is supposed to be. In more definite terms, make sure you spell correctly, use capital letters in beginnings of sentences, put in commas when necessary, etc. etc. And most importantly, read the whole thing through afterwards to check for any mistakes you have inevitably made anyway (no offense meant by this; everyone makes mistakes constantly, and a lot of them even gets published - just in AF, there are quite a few, I think).

Next, a matter of style (everyone has a personal style of writing, of course, so this area is entirely subjective. Feel free to disregard my advice on this subject, if you want). A rule of thumb is that when italic letters can be used instead of CAPITAL ones, they should. If you want to emphasize a particular part of your text, italize it instead of capitalizing. Also, slang and acronyms should preferably be avoided - instead of 'hols', write 'holidays'. You do have an excuse writing from a first-person narrator's view, of course, but then you should be aware that you´ve already established her character as someone who´d say 'hols'.

Lastly, all of these fall short in importance to what matters the most - obviously, the plot. Since we´re hardly into it at all yet, I don´t suppose I can have any useful input, but let me still say that you have to explain everything, or at least as much as possible. If it can be questioned, it will be, and the author will have to whip out an explanation that won´t impact the rest of the story. Why is it exactly The Atlantis Complex that is able to cough up its protagonist? Why don´t the rest of the books in the store does it? Do you know how he´ll get back in there (if he will)? You don´t have to tell me the answers to these questions, but it´s pretty important that you have them ready, in case you´ll need them in later chapters.

Setting all of my unpleasant commentaries aside, this is actually sort of promising. I guess I´ll be following and see how it´ll turn out. I hope to see something that makes it rise above the avarage internet fanfic. Good luck! =D

(Oh, and on a last note - I´m pretty sure Artemis would introduce himself as Artemis Fowl The Second, wouldn´t he?)
Last edited by Multiverse on Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:01 pm

Wow. are you like an english teacher or something? Of cource I will try and improve but bare in mind this is my first try. And I did try Artemis Fowl the second but I just thought it didn't sound right. That's my oppinion any way.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Scarlett
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Posts: 518
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 3:59 pm
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:05 pm

And by the way it isn't just wishfull thinking. Do you really think I would want my favourite book charactor ever stagering out of a skip?
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Multiverse » Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:24 pm

Scarlett wrote:Wow. are you like an english teacher or something? Of cource I will try and improve but bare in mind this is my first try. And I did try Artemis Fowl the second but I just thought it didn't sound right. That's my oppinion any way.


I´m sorry if I was harsher than necessary. I´ve been critiquing everything I thought you could improve on, but if you thought that by that I meant your work was bad, that´s is by no means the case. I´m very sorry if it seemed so.
And no, I´m not an English teacher. I don´t mind misspellings at all usually (unless grossly exaggerated), but in an actual work of writing, it´s pretty important to be more than generally aware of spelling and such.
And okay, if simply Artemis Fowl works better for you, then obviously you´re the one in charge - you´re the author. :)

Scarlett wrote:And by the way it isn't just wishfull thinking. Do you really think I would want my favourite book charactor ever stagering out of a skip?


Umm, okay. Personally I´d be pretty thrilled to meet a real-life version of someone from one of my favourite books, so I must´ve naturally assumed everyone else felt the same way. I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to offend you.
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:47 pm

I never said I was offended. It's just that It's my mum who usually looks through my work so I'm not used to critasism. and don't comment on that spelling mistake. Oh and the teacher bit was sarcasm. It says on your profile that you're 16 so I didn't realy mean it.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

Image

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User avatar
Scarlett
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Posts: 518
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 3:59 pm
Real First Name: Jessica
AFC Fan Fiction Name: Scarlett
Location: In a graveyard, talking to dead people. (I'm not mad. I'm just eccentric)
Gender: Female
Status: Offline

Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 7:44 pm

Chapter 2

I stared in shock at the unconcious youth at my feet. Then I started to panic.
There was a passed out boy in front of me who had just fallen out of a skip and he claimed his name was Artemis Fowl. Did he mean the[i] Artemis Fowl? The fairy kidnapping, child genius Artemis Fowl?
[i]Wishfull thinking
I told myself crossly. Still.
I nudged him with my foot. He didn't move.
Great
I put my arm around his waist and pulled him upright. God he was heavy.
I decided that the best option was to drag him the last few meters to my house. My mother had taken Mindi to my gran's for the weekend and my Dad was going to be working late so there was no one was in the house when I got there.
The previous day, coming home from school, I would never have imagined that I would be hauling a fictional charactor through my living room and dumping him on the sofa. I made myself a lunch of pringles and an apple. Then I sat down on the seat opposite the pale youth and waited.

A Different Dimension. Somewhere in Irland
An Hour Ago



Artemis had had just about enough.
Where was Butler when you needed him.
He was standing under a tree in a wood a fair distance away from the comfortable surroundings of Fowl Manor. Earlier that afternoon he had recieved a text from Holly for him to meet her in this completely random forest. He had not known the reason for this invetation but he trusted Holly with his life so he presumed the reason was an important one and with Butler ill and in bed his bodygaurd was nowhere in sight. Only Butler's sister, Juliet, sat in the Fowl's bently which was parked next to the main road.
This is getting rediculous he thought to himself, twenty minutes later. It is certainly not like her to be late.
A cold, sharp wind suddenly whiped through the trees and he felt the freezing bite of it pierce his clothes.
He cast his gaze over the thick, narled trunks of the trees surrounding him. His eyes piered into the gloom to his left and he spotted a faint blue light, glowing in the distance. Artemis felt his legs move towards it. He felt strangly calm as he let his feet approach the light, taking the rest of his body with them.
He soon entered a clearing, tall pillers of stone lined the sides. There were inscriptions written on each piller in gnomish but Artemis had his mind set on the smaller piller set in the middle of the circle. It was small and stumpy and it was emiting the blue light. It had a pair of hand shaped prints on top of it.
He found himself leaning towards it. He began to get nervous.
Something was controling him, he realized. Something wanted him to toutch those hand prints.
He struggled uselessly against the force that was pulling his hand closer towards the stump. It was no good.
Then Artemis found himself slotting his hands into the perfectly shaped curves of the prints.
The light extended into a web that enclosed itself around the circle. Artemis found his previously possessed feet leave the ground, his hands were stuck to the stump as if they had been glued on.
Then they suddenly detached from the cold suface of the stone and felt a crushing sensation and saw only the blue light. He felt as though his lungs were being encased in a giant icecube. He couldn't breath and the only thing he registered from his surroundings was the fact that he seemed to be flying through a gaping tunnel of the diamond blue glow.
As suddenly as it started the crushing sensation stoped and the light quickly faded into nothing.

Artemis looked about him in astonishment. He seemed to have fallen into some large metal container, half filled with packege remains and junk metal. He clambered over the rim of the container, his head swimming with dizziness.
"Um...Hello" said a voice. A girl was staring at him, her expression worried.
Artemis shook his head. He looked up and about him in alarm. Where was he? An ally? What on earth was he doing there?
"I'm Jessica" He heard the girl say. He tried to compose himself and look formal infront of this stranger. He extended a hand and replied,
"Artemis Fowl"
Then his vision faded into blackness.


I hope this chapter is better than the last one. Feel free to comment Multiverse.
Last edited by Scarlett on Sun Oct 16, 2011 11:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Scarlett
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Posts: 518
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 3:59 pm
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:02 pm

Multiverse I would actualy feel better if you critasized about now.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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Multiverse
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Multiverse » Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:22 pm

(I knew you were being sarcastic, I was just playing along (...yeah, I was momentarily forgetting that irony has to be obvious in text)). Anyway, I´m really glad to know there´s no hard feelings. ^_^

Well... am I beginning to sense some sort of a Koboi-ish plot here? Just thinking aloud, interdimensional banishing would be just Opal's thing. =J

My, I only just now realized the title (I mean, I knew it was there, and I´d read it, but I didn´t think about it until now)... interesting.
I like your (narrative character's) attention to the bizarre details of hauling a fictional charactor through her living room and dumping him on the sofa. Hilarealistically neat in itself, that is. :laughing:
You seem to´ve got a good talent of that sorta formulation (same goes for the instantly following comment about pringles and an apple - exactly what you´d expect one to do in that situation, but still so normal it seems strange when you put it next to someone unusual). =)

Anyway, you´ve sure got me waiting for the next chapter. Write on! =)
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:59 am

Thank you. I'll write the next one as soon as I can. (just after the car boot sale I'm visiting) :laughing:
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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User avatar
Scarlett
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Posts: 518
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 3:59 pm
Real First Name: Jessica
AFC Fan Fiction Name: Scarlett
Location: In a graveyard, talking to dead people. (I'm not mad. I'm just eccentric)
Gender: Female
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Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:29 pm

Chapter 3

I needed to get my thoughts in order. What was I going to do? There was a teenage criminal mastermind passed out on my sofa and he could still be mentally unstable from the Atlantice complex. I certainly didn’t want him to wake up and start jabbering on about fives or trying to convince me to look for sacred birth marks.
There were a few options available to me:
• I would hand him over to the authorities and he can be their problem
• I would write a letter to Eoin Colfer and complain (not that he can do much about it)
• I would just sit there and sort it out myself when he woke up
I decided to go for the third option. Besides, the authorities would think I’m crackers and I didn’t know Eoin Colfer’s address. I would just have to sort it out myself. I went back to the kitchen, put my empty plate in the dishwasher and loaded another plate with Pringles. I took and apple from the fruit bole and sat down on the seat opposite the sofa again.
I looked over at the unconscious boy. He was seriously pale and I briefly wondered if he always looked like this or if it was just the dimension jump thing. His raven fringe was swept across his closed eyes and his blazer was almost shredded.
He’s an alright looking bloke I thought to myself. Then How sad is that? I’ve got a crush on a make-believe character.
Just then he began to stir. My heart rate quickened as I realized that I just might be about to meet my all time favourite fictional character.
He opened his eyes. One a hazel brown and the other a deep blue.
Oh- my- god
‘Artemis’ squinted, lifted his head slightly and took in his surroundings, a confused expression on his face.
I decided to let him speak first as I had no experience whatsoever in these matters. Finally he focused his gaze onto me. He opened his mouth and shut it again.
I then decided to withdraw the decision I had made a few seconds before. It was quite obvious he wouldn’t be starting a conversation any time soon.
“Are you ok?” I asked, uncertainly. The youth swallowed, sat up and composed himself.
“I think so” he replied, his voice shaking slightly. He looked about him again. “Who are you, where am I exactly and how did I get here?”
“My name is Jessica Eden, you are in Market Drayton, Shropshire and you fell out of a skip.”
He looked stunned for a minute. “Fell out of a skip?”
“Yeah. I was just walking and you fell out of a skip right in front of me. And then you passed out”
He shook his head. Then I think he decided he would press me on the subject later.
“Isn’t Shropshire in England” He asked.
Oh yeah. He’s from Ireland
“I’m afraid so. Sorry but... just before you passed out you said your name was Artemis Fowl”
“Yes. Artemis Fowl the second. Why?”
I nearly passed out myself for a second.
“Oh, nothing. It just seems like an unusual name for a boy that’s all” I thought I had better not spring the knowledge that his fairy kidnapping/helping life was recorded in a book series on him just yet.
Artemis looked somewhat annoyed at my statement.
“It means the Hunter. And at any rate it was...” he began.
“...your father’s name.” I finished for him.
He looked at me suspiciously.
“How could you know that? Have you been observing me?”
Oops
“Lucky guess” I said hastily. The suspicious look was still glinting in his eye. Well there’s no point delaying the inevitable.
“Wait here for a minute will you?” He was still uncertain but he seemed convinced that I didn’t have a weapon hidden upstairs.
I strode up the staircase and down the landing. I walked into my room and, for the second time that day, I slotted the old, battered book out of its reserved space at the head of the bed. I plodded back down the stairs and back into the living room.
Artemis was still there, looking at me expectantly.
I handed him the book.
Last edited by Scarlett on Sun Oct 16, 2011 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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User avatar
Scarlett
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Posts: 518
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 3:59 pm
Real First Name: Jessica
AFC Fan Fiction Name: Scarlett
Location: In a graveyard, talking to dead people. (I'm not mad. I'm just eccentric)
Gender: Female
Status: Offline

Re: Oh CRAP!!! It Must Be Love

Postby Scarlett » Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:36 pm

Well I hope you like this one. comment all you like. :laughing:
Most Creative member of the year 2011: Scarlett
Best Writer of the year 2011: Scarlett
Newbie Award 2011: Scarlett
Biggest Fan boy/ girl of the year 2011: Scarlett
The Interesting One 2012: Scarlett
Best Writer 2013: Scarlett
Some Day My Prince Will Come

"I don't like lolypops"


I'm not mad. I'm just excentric.


"Did you get my text?"

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