The Confidential Parody Project

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Fatebringer the 2nd
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The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:06 pm

So, I was inspired to write fan-fictions by a parody writer on an old, long dead site. What he would do was he would take a popular story, and change the characters into the posters from the same forum. To get back into writing fics, I plan on doing the same. Now, I would do this with AF, but I already had an AF parody on the site, which was scrambled and deleted in the massive site overhaul. I'm kinda to frustrated by that to start another one, and I would end up reusing jokes if I did.

So instead, I'm gonna use one of the stories that he also used. Harry Potter. Because it's long, full of opportunities and characters, and love it or hate it, everyone knows it. Yes, this still belongs on fan works, I believe. It is a true fan work of the site itself.

Harry - Tornadocondoc. Tainted by his living at the Dursleys, this version of Harry takes the world at face value, and sees things in a cynical way. Whenever he can be, he's blunt and speaks as little as possible. Nothing surprises him and he just takes everything in stride.

Ron - Athena32. Ron talks way too much, (with too much information) sings way too much, and thinks too highly of himself. He knows he's terrible at magic, but will lie through his teeth to get people to think he's good at it. He sings Irish drinking songs and annoying pop songs most of all.

Hermione - Merv Simestra. Hermione is sharp, and will call out anything that she finds stupid, or ridiculous, or otherwise without sense, even if it implies breaking the fourth wall in a way. She's even better at magic than usual

Draco - Troublelover16 Draco tries as hard as he can to be the best person possible. However, it often leaves people feeling guilty because they are worse than he. As a result they hate him, and are constantly wanting him to do something wrong

Snape - Rocket Axxonu. Snape now is purely darker, more fun sides of his character. He delights in torturing his students, but since this version of Harry isn't affected by much, he ends up more often frustrated by his failures. He also goes off into long speeches, as a loving reference to Rocket, and in a Snape twist will get very angry if interrupted, or will condescendingly ignore interruptions altogether.

Dumbledore - FadingLight. A sweets enthusiast through and through. He's quite brilliant, but feels the need to compare everything to sweets. He also can't see why others wouldn't love sweets as much as he does, and immediately assumes that everyone understands the sometimes insane sugary metaphors he uses.

Quirrell - Quirrell in general is a reference to the worst fanfiction ever written, My Immortal. How bad? Voldemort crashes a My Chemical Romance concert, and Harry Potter is a Gothic vampire. These elements of the story will be part of his character
-The fact that the spelling and grammar got consistently worse throughout the story. Even when it came to the main character's names.
-The fact that everyone was trying way to hard to be Gothic, in fashion and actions
-The unnatural hatred for preps and posers, and the love for "true goths"
Last edited by Fatebringer the 2nd on Fri Oct 16, 2015 8:04 pm, edited 13 times in total.
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Rocket Axxonu » Wed Sep 30, 2015 12:21 am

I've never seen one of these before, so I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it will be fun to find out. ;9

Well...Hermione would probably be the best fit for me, but Snape has always been my favorite character, so I'd choose Snape. <3 (Hope I'm doing this right. ^^') When you say, 'how you want to be pictured,' I just say how I want the character to be? Well, have to have all Snape's best characteristics, I guess, hehe. Clever and competent, but sarcastic, bullying, and prone to unfairness and favoritism. Other than that...I'm not sure just now, I might wait and see what other people put to see if it gives me any ideas. X3
“After all, absolutely no one can help but suspect a criminal, liar, and manipulator of committing crimes, lying, and manipulating. And of course, no one is more aware of that simple fact than Artemis Fowl.”

Opal sets into motion her most diabolical scheme yet, to frame Artemis and turn his closest friends against him. Only this time she has a new calculating partner who knows Artemis better than he knows himself. [Post TAC]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8336552/1/Noble-Heart ...Shameless self-advertising, guys! C;

(And if you're really bored: http://axxonu.deviantart.com/gallery/28912232/Artemis-Fowl AF fanart. ;J)

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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:50 pm

Excellent! And yes, that is exactly I need. Feel free to change your persona at any time, as long as It's before I start writing.
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Rocket Axxonu » Wed Sep 30, 2015 4:12 pm

Okay, sounds good! I'm looking forward to it. c:
“After all, absolutely no one can help but suspect a criminal, liar, and manipulator of committing crimes, lying, and manipulating. And of course, no one is more aware of that simple fact than Artemis Fowl.”

Opal sets into motion her most diabolical scheme yet, to frame Artemis and turn his closest friends against him. Only this time she has a new calculating partner who knows Artemis better than he knows himself. [Post TAC]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8336552/1/Noble-Heart ...Shameless self-advertising, guys! C;

(And if you're really bored: http://axxonu.deviantart.com/gallery/28912232/Artemis-Fowl AF fanart. ;J)

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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Merv Simestra » Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:13 pm

I guess Hermione is an okay fit for me. We both worry about grades (though I don't do it as often), she's loyal to her friends like me, though I'm not nearly as booksmart as she is. :P But none of the others left really fit me either, so I'll go with Hermione. I like her for who she is, so I don't think her character should change too much.
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Sat Oct 03, 2015 5:43 pm

Hmm, I'll keep her main features, as you want, but I need to change something... For example with rocket, I'm only going with the traits that were given, making Snape a far more sinister character.

How about, since she is so intelligent and often questions things in the real series, that when ridiculous scenarios come along in the parody, she's the one that points out the lack of realism. Say, having comedy in the act of being the buzzkill. Being the 'Only sane one in the room'.
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Merv Simestra » Sat Oct 03, 2015 6:12 pm

Yes, I agree with this. It sounds amazing. :)
"On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God."
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble."


Procrastinator and Obsessive are my middle names.

Spoiler:
Voted Eternity Awards 2013 winner of...
Favorite Moderator/Administrator
Best Journal Writer
The Sensible One
Most Likely to Run for President
Most Devoted to AFC
and Always in the Know.
Again with the president thing.

Shameless plug: visit my website!.

Pandora Hearts, the most epic manga to have existed. 2006--2015
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Sat Oct 03, 2015 6:19 pm

Great! That leads to meta-humor, and I love writing meta-humor

I wonder if I were to message Trubs, if she would come back to read and join. She would be all for something like this...
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby FadingLight » Sun Oct 04, 2015 11:13 pm

I'm not sure how this works… tell me if anything is wrong.

Could I possibly be Dumbledore? And maybe he's pretty much the same as in canon, but obsessed with candy. And he, when imparting important wisdom, constantly uses candy metaphors and similes. Without realizing how ridiculous he sounds.
I said you were smart, Mud Boy. I was wrong; are exceptional.—Qwan
Which do you think seems more suspicious? An alien-looking craft hovering in the yard of a country home, or a floating doorway with a centaur standing in it?—Domovoi Butler
We can only change the future, not the past or present.—Artemis Fowl II
I'm trying to care, Artemis. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over.—Holly Short

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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Sun Oct 04, 2015 11:22 pm

That sounds great, actually. That sounds like a lot of fun to write
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Sun Oct 04, 2015 11:34 pm

So, I think that's all the people I'm going to get, sadly. I'll wait a couple days for Athena to respond, and if no one else calls a character by then, I'll be writing the first chapter by Tuesday, pulling two users that haven't been on in a while to fill the empty slots
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:22 pm

My creation... It lives... IT LIVES!

Anyways, beforehand, about characters. Harry will be tornadocondoc. Draco will be Troublelover16, I think it's an appropriate fit. I've also further evolved the characters personalities from the basic descriptions given to make them even more of a parody. I will edit the first post of the thread to be a full character guide to them after they first appear in the fic.

Chapter 1
Something Wrong… Yet Correct
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Privet Drive

Albus FadingLight was very perplexed as to how he was to feel at this very moment.

For one thing, James and Lily Potter were dead, yet at the same time, their death did result in the riddance of one of the most evil people of their time. It was a very good result at the cost of a very bad one. It was kind of like if he permanently gave up Chocolate Frogs for a lifetime supply of Bertie Botts.

Then again… that might not be the best comparison. Chocolate Frogs were good every time, while FadingLight was sure that he got an earthworm flavored Bertie Bott at one point. Perhaps a better candy would be Peppermint Toads? He quite liked Peppermint Toads.

He then heard a earshattering, roaring noise and looked up to the sky. Of course, it was Hagrid and his ungodly loud motorbike, bringing with him the Potter child.

“You do realize that we don’t want to attract the attention of muggles, Hagrid? A half-giant carrying a baby on a motorbike that flies isn’t that discreet.”

Hagrid scoffed at him. “Neither is a bunch of students running straight through a wall in a train station. Muggles notice nothing.”

“No, no, no. There is a difference! Think of it like this. Imagine that there is a rather tantalizing chocolate bar-“

Hagrid groans. “Forget I said anything. Next time I carry an orphan baby to a Muggle neighborhood, I’ll just walk for miles on end.”

FadingLight smiled, genuinely pleased. “Good! Although that would be a bit much. Now let’s go give the boy to his family, yes?”

Hagrid just considered this to be normal, and moved on. You have to do these things with Professor FadingLight sometimes. “I’ve seen the family before. Are you sure this is the right place for him? The man and woman are both downright nasty, and their boy is a brat! Is there anywhere else we can take him?”

“I’ve seen to that. They’ll treat the boy fine.” FadingLight said, as he pulled out a surprisingly large number of Cauldron Cakes from his cloak. “I’m going to give them these.”

“I… Don’t follow.”

“You don’t? Really? Everyone loves Cauldron Cakes!”

“I… Still don’t follow.”

“Every time they see the boy, they’ll think of the cauldron cakes, and consider him a good thing! Thus they will treat him perfectly!”

“You know that not everyone loves sweets that much, right?”

“Nonsense, why wouldn’t they love sugar?”

“I’m not-“

“Nope. End of argument. Let’s drop off the kid, yes?”

_____________________________
Dursley House

Vernon Dursley, as well as Dudley Dursley, did indeed eat the cakes. However, of course, it did not give them good will towards little Tornado Potter.

Instead, the boy grew up in conditions that would make a CPS worker break down and go into an axe-murdering rampage. He basically lived in a closet. There was no evidence of his existence throughout the house. He was treated as a blight, a servant, not even allowed to ask questions.

It had a toll on his personality, you could say.

Today was the birthday of his cousin. Of course, Tornado was expected to do everything since Dudley was the perfect child and Tornado was for some reason the spawn of Satan.

Maybe he’d poison the bacon he was being forced to cook. That’d be nice.

At least he got to go to the zoo this time. Hooray? He guessed that was a good thing. He knew all he could look forward to was Dudley complaining about how all the animals are boring.

An hour later, after Dudley ate his breakfast and complained about how terribly Tornado cooked it repeatedly, (Tornado increasingly regretted not poisoning the bacon every time) the Dursleys piled into the car with Tornado.

As predicted, Dudley found the animals boring after about 10 minutes of looking at them, and started to scream that they should all perform for him, since it was his birthday. His Aunt Petunia tried to calm him down by bribing him with even more presents. Tornado, with a migraine starting, decided to ditch the Dursleys before he snapped and punched Dudley in the jaw.

He wandered around the zoo a bit, until he heard a soft and raspy “Hey.”

He turned, and found it came from the snake in enclosure that he had just passed. He walked up to it and answered, “Hey.”

The snake slithered closer to him and turned its head to the right. “I just talked to you.”

“Clearly.” Tornado answered.

“And… You just accept this.”

“Do you actually have anything to say, or do you just state the obvious?”

“Do you not find anything strange about the fact that a snake is talking to you?”

“Should I?”

“Yes! In case you don’t know, snakes don’t talk!”

“But you’re talking.”

“Well, yes, I am. But-“

“So snakes talk. Is there a reason you’re talking to me or not? I can just leave.”

The snake paused for a second to hit its head against the wall of its containment in frustration. Please take a moment to imagine that happening.

The snake, a cold-blooded creature, somehow managed to blush. “Well, being cooped up all alone in this habitat, I don’t get to talk with people much, clearly. I get lonely. Do you want to be my friend?”

“No.”

“Thank yo- Wait, why?!”

“You’re a snake, I probably already look stupid enough talking to you through the glass. I bet no one else can hear you, and I look like the idiot talking to himself.”

And tornado turned to start walking away.

“Wait!” exclaimed the snake, as it pressed itself against the glass. “It’ll be worth it!”

Tornado turned back, interested. “How so?”

“You hate that cousin of yours, right? I hate him too, he came around here earlier and yelled at me for not moving for him.”

The snake waited for an answer, while Tornado waited expectantly for the snake to make some sort of point.

“Look, just bring him over here, make sure he leans in real close. It’ll be worth it. Trust me.”

Tornado debated this, shrugged, and turned to get his cousin. He returned with Dudley a few minutes later.

“You said the snake was moving, Tornado! You lied! Liar! You can’t lie to me on my birthday!”

Tornado grinned widely. “You’ve just got to press against the glass, and it’ll dance for you.”

And so, Dudley, naïve as he was, smashed his face against the glass. As soon as he did so, it disappeared, and he fell in, flat on his face.

Tornado laughed a bit while the snake slithered out and escaped.

“Thanks, man.” The snake said, winking at Tornado. “See you around, yeah?”

“Sure. Bye.”

The snake smiled… somehow, and quickly escaped the zoo, going in between the feet of panicked tourists.

Tornado looked at his cousin in the habitat, and thought it would be so much better if the glass reappeared, and seemingly by his command, it did. Huh.

Tornado took one last look at the panicking Dudley, chuckled, and quickly ran to the very opposite end of the zoo, to avoid being at the crime scene when his aunt and uncle appeared. Of course, they blamed it all on him anyways.
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Rocket Axxonu » Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:10 pm

Haha, this is awesome. xD!!! I love how this totally captures the story...So far my favorite is the motorbike bit. (So. True. With wizards flying around in motorbikes, you have to wonder how they've kept their presence secret all these years...) Lol, I like what you did with 'Tornado' Potter, too. Great, can't wait for more! <:

*Edit: Oh, uh, I just happened to think. Do you want our feedback to be here in the forum, or do you want us to keep it to pms? (Again, never done this before. ^^')
“After all, absolutely no one can help but suspect a criminal, liar, and manipulator of committing crimes, lying, and manipulating. And of course, no one is more aware of that simple fact than Artemis Fowl.”

Opal sets into motion her most diabolical scheme yet, to frame Artemis and turn his closest friends against him. Only this time she has a new calculating partner who knows Artemis better than he knows himself. [Post TAC]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8336552/1/Noble-Heart ...Shameless self-advertising, guys! C;

(And if you're really bored: http://axxonu.deviantart.com/gallery/28912232/Artemis-Fowl AF fanart. ;J)

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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby Fatebringer the 2nd » Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:48 pm

Phew! Thank you! I was worried it wasn't good. Totally post feedback here by the way, you're fine. I only sent out the message to make sure that everyone in the fic knew the chapter was up.
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Re: The Confidential Parody Project

Postby FadingLight » Wed Oct 07, 2015 3:42 am

This is hilarious, I was reading it in a library and trying to hold back my laughter lest the people around complain.
Seeing my username in place of Dumbledore's name was a bit weird, but that kinda made it funnier. Same with the "Harry" replaced by "Tornado" thing.
I said you were smart, Mud Boy. I was wrong; are exceptional.—Qwan
Which do you think seems more suspicious? An alien-looking craft hovering in the yard of a country home, or a floating doorway with a centaur standing in it?—Domovoi Butler
We can only change the future, not the past or present.—Artemis Fowl II
I'm trying to care, Artemis. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over.—Holly Short


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