Thank you, guys, for reading this. It really makes me happy that it's working out. Snape Bio complete
You KNOW I had to make the joke at the end, Rocket
Artemis Fowl’s Candyland
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AFC Academy – Great Hall
Tornado ended up sitting right next to Athena the first time he entered the Great Hall. A lot of children were marveling at the ceiling of the hall, but Tornado was impatiently waiting for Athena to finish his rendition of “Wrecking Ball.”
After he finished, Athena asked, “Hey, are we friends?”
“Only if you promise to never, ever,
sing that song again.”
“Well… I can promise not to sing it in front of you…”
“That’s good enough. Friends.”
Athena started to, a little more quietly, sing “The Orange and the Green” instead. Tornado facepalmed, but put up with it for a few minutes before the whole room went quiet as an old man walked out in the front of the hall.
“Hello, students, and welcome to AFC, the world’s #1 magical school. I’m Professor FadingLight, your headmaster, and today, you will be sorted into your houses.”
He paused for a second to take out an old hat.
“Now, the four houses names have changed this year, yet again. Former headmaster Matt changed them a few decade ago to ‘The Grounds,’ ‘Fowl Manor,’ ‘Haven,’ and ‘Forum,’ but I didn’t quite like those names. This year, I finally changed them to names that I know everyone will love. They will now be known as ‘Mars,’ ‘Hersheys,’ ‘Nestle’ and ‘Haribo.’”
Merv, at the other end of the table, was staring at Professor Fadinglight with disbelief.
“Now,” FadingLight continued, “Mars house stresses courage, chivalry, and determination. A student in Mars house would give all the safe-looking Bertie Botts he had to a hungry lady, be brave enough to eat one of the ones he kept, and have enough drive to finish the others when that one ends up being terrible .”
Merv was now debating whether or not the man was serious.
“Hersheys house stresses cunning, resourcefulness, and ambition. Pure-bloods are more likely to be in this house, because, as Hersheys stresses its 100% real milk chocolate, the creator of this house stressed the importance of blood purity.”
Merv was done wondering if this man was serious and started to wonder how it was possible that he was serious.
“Nestle stresses intelligence and wisdom, Nestle students, oddly would choose Hersheys brand chocolate over Nestle brand, as that would be the smartest choice.”
Merv stopped wondering how he was serious, and started wondering if he was sane.
“Haribo students value friendship, honesty and loyalty. Haribo students would never steal each others candies, and would always share it. That’s a beautiful quality to have in a friend. I always like a person I can trust around my candy hoard.”
Merv, now certain the man was not all there, was now perplexed by the fact that everyone else took him completely seriously, as if he said nothing strange at all.
“Some of you are probably wondering what I’m doing holding an old hat. Well, this used to be the Sorting Hat, but last year some prankster decided it would be a good idea to cast a spell on it. Now it calls itself the ‘Moderator Hat’ and treats everyone as if they were threads on a forum that need to be moved. Why they thought it was a good idea is beyond me.”
Merv felt as if someone had stolen something that had belonged to her for some reason.
Back at the other side of the table, Tornado became hungry from all the talk of candy. Trouble Malfoy was the first student that he knew to be called.
“Interesting… The hat said “you’ve put on such a façade of pleasantries and perfection that it’s ingrained in your mind. Such cunning certainly deserves to be on the Hersheys forum!”
“B- But I’m not putting on a façade at all! I swear!”
“Oh, please, no thread is as perfect as you. Eventually, there’s always a flamer, a troll, a person going off topic, or a person who just doesn’t know what they’re talking about, and many times they die out early. You’ve done the impossible and had none of this happen. Hersheys it is.”
As Trouble was ushered off stage, he started blabbering in frustration. “Flamers?! Trolls?! Wait! I don’t understand!”
Tornado, for reasons he didn’t quite understand, vowed not to be on the same house as Trouble.
As Tornado waited for his name to be called, he noted that Merv and Athena both went to Mars house and one student had their thread “locked” as “there already was another thread with the same topic.” She was then quickly escorted out of the building.
When Tornado was called, the whole hall went silent to look at him. He thought over and over. “Not Hersheys, not Hersheys.”
“Sorry, kid.” Said the hat, “But that seems to be the only forum you fit in. You don’t really desire to learn enough to go on Nestle, and you’re sure as hell not friendly enough to go on Haribo.”
“What about Mars? I can be brave and determined.”
“Tell you what, if you put me into Mars, I’ll be chivalrous once in a while.”
“Alright, thread moved to Mars. Don’t make me regret this.”
And the entire Mars table cheered.
Tornado’s first class in AFC Academy was potions, with one ‘Rocket Axxonu.’ As Tornado sat down next to Athena, Athena whispered to him. “Don’t ask him any questions. Trust me. My brothers have told me horror stories.”
As soon as Professor Axxonu reached the podium at the end of the class, the hand of Trouble shot up.
“You, in the front row. What?” Asked Axxonu.
“Professor, why did you decide to teach this class? What makes it so interesting?”
Half the class groaned. It appeared that they had been given the same warning as Tornado. Tornado felt as if he was just given another reason to hate Trouble Malfoy. Tornado looked at Athena, and found him zoned out and humming a tune Tornado assumed must be another drinking song.
The professor’s face lit up. “See, I always consider this an interesting topic for a number of reasons. I was going to go on this awfully dramatic speech about bottling fame and putting a stopper on death, but let’s be honest, that’s just drama for drama’s sake, so let me just list out the many reasons that I enjoy this subject one by one and discuss each in great detail.”
Tornado felt as if he knew what Athena’s horror stories were now. He began to zone out too.
“1.” Axxonu continued. “The challenge. This isn’t just a class in which all you need to do is to wave your wands around and say a few words. Oh, no, in Potions you need to practice a large number of skills that aren’t even required for class such as Charms, or Defense Against the Dark Arts. Skills such as measurement or moderation, or a certain degree of patience or timing. When you perform a basic spell to turn a rat into a goblet, you get little satisfaction after the first time it is achieved, since the task is a relatively simple one. However, brewing a Polyjuice Potion is a long, hard, and strenuous task, no matter how many times you’ve done it before. This is the kind of distinction that made an impression on me, yet meant nothing to the talentless hacks like Mr. Potter’s father. The work was truly worth-“
Tornado snapped back into reality and blinked. “Wait, what?”
“Of course,” Axxonu said, “None of this means anything if you don’t. Pay. Attention!
Mr. Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?”
“A sleeping potion?”
“As I thought. You don’t kn- Wait, how do you know that?!“
“Fine, let’s try again. Where would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?”
“The stomach of a goat?”
“Aha! Incorr- Wait, that’s right. Why is that right?!”
“I don’t know, sir. I’m just that good.”
Axxonu became furious. “What is the difference between Monkswood and Wolfbane?!”
“They are the same.”
“I know a trick question when I hear one.”
“No, you’re just cheating. I know it. 50 points from Mars.”
This woke up Athena from his trance. “50!”
“Yes, 50, Mr. Weasley, 55 for talking back.”
“But I didn’t talk back, sir! I was just surprised!”
“You certainly talked back now, didn’t you? 60 it is! 60 points from Mars.”
Everyone fell silent.
“Good,” said Axxonu, with a wry smile. “Now where was I? Ah. Yes, why I teach Potions.”
Everyone groaned again as Axxonu explained why he taught potions, in as many words as possible. Malfoy was instantly public enemy #1 for making the man start his monologue