Slapping/spanking your child

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Do you believe that "spanking" is positive?

Yes
4
21%
Yes if it is rare and gentle
9
47%
Yes so the children can learn and be boosted
0
No votes
No
3
16%
No, I'm against any forms of abuse
1
5%
No, some go overboard and kids get injured or scared
2
11%
 
Total votes: 19

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Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Mere Reflection » Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:25 am

We were discussing in the "Anything" thread about child "control" so to speak. Not necessarily even anything that would hurt, just teaching a lesson. Are you strongly for, or against, or unsure?

Have you ever been 'spanked'? Do you think it was fair, or did you think it was more along the lines of child abuse? I want to hear your views.
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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby FoalysGirl » Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:56 pm

Well, there's spanking a child, a light tap, to reinforce the child not to do, whatever they were doing again. According to Psychologists, that's called positive punishments, physical actions to say: "That's bad." Which I find to be a good thing. As long as it's gentle. Like a small tap on the hand.

Then there's spanking, where it's all the time and it's harsh. That's physical abuse. Which I can't stand.
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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Natalya666 » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:56 am

I don't think abuse is really necessary in the upbringing of a child. Firmness should be present, to avoid spoiling of the child, but I really don't think spanking is necessary. Being an Asian, I have seen my fair share of child abuse, even in public. Recently, a Singaporean woman was arrested for making her teenage daughter do squats for an hour in public, until a passerby called the police.
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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Purple_Enigma » Sun Oct 17, 2010 11:11 am

Yes it is necessary, because a child needs to be reprimanded for his/her wrongdoings. When parents are too gentle it makes the child pampered but harsh and unnecessary spanking is terrible and can have long-term repercussions on the child's psyche.
Rare and gentle spankings when necessary are fine, in my opinion.
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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Lime Yay » Tue Oct 19, 2010 5:08 am

I think that, in general, spanking should not be used. Studies have shown that positive reinforcement is a lot better than negative reinforcement. However, that being said, sometimes you can't afford to wait for the learning process, and you can't explain something to a child that they can understand. Like going into the street. Running into a street is dangerous for a kid, but they don't really know what death is, they don't understand the impact of being hit by a car. You can't afford to take chances on your kid wandering into the street. And that's when spanking is acceptable. Cuz that little kid needs to know NOW that going into the street is VERY BAD and they can never do it again.

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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby IzzyTehMuse » Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:55 pm

I'll just say that as a recipient of spanking...it was never abuse in my case. It was never an emotional slap to stop us from doing anything. It was always very calm and very fair. Parents only used it in cases of overt, direct disobedience (I only remember being spanked a handful of times) or lying. They always explained why I was being spanked and were firm in reassuring me that they loved me and in no way wanted to harm me. One swat per year of age, a follow up explanation to ensure that we understood what all was going on and then many hugs. So it wasn't some random "bat bat AWWW I LOVE YOU HUGGLES" which I think can be very confusing and damaging to the child.

And I am annoyed that people are implying that using spanking means that positive reinforcement is ruled out. Not so in our case. Heck, in addition to positive reinforcement, I also got long lectures from my mother explaining why certain things were wrong and whatnot-- to the point where I would be just like: Just spank me and get it over with.

So...no long term damage here. I think it can be exercised with discipline and restraint. There is a point where children just cannot be reasoned with (like limey's example of running into the street-- there's no time), and as the child grows in age then reasoning takes a role as they are able to comprehend it. It also introduces the idea of consequences very early on, and in a very tangible way. Consequences are a very real part of life and I think children need to get accustomed to that idea.

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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby vita nuova » Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:57 pm

Yes, I do think that a light slap on the hand or a gentle spank to tell the child that they're wrong, but some go too overboad. When an adult gets too angry and just takes all the rage out on the child, that may be child abuse. All they learn is to fear the adult, and when the adult wants respect, all they get is fear, but never respect.

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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Tyrison » Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:07 am

As someone who got spanked quite a lot(I wasn't a brat...well, sometimes...heh) I would say that spanking being good or bad really depends on how it is used. I was spanked a lot, yes, but never for unfair reasons. Also, both before and after spanking, my parents explained why, let me know they still loved me, that they didn't hate me, etc... Sure, it hurt for a little while, but I was never permanently damaged. I think it's kind of funny that the butt is one of the few places where you can get hit hard and not hurt for a really long time...*speculation*

However, I would draw the line there. I think it's important to let a child know why they're being spanked, and they need to know that they're still loved as well. If a spanking is just given, to a child it doesn't really make sense. They were punished, and they may not know why, and it'll just become a negative memory. The whole point is not so much to hurt the child as to reinforce the memory. Pain teaches someone not to do a wrong thing twice. It's one of those survival things...and really, what punishment we get as kids is so much more lax than what we'd get as adults. I'm glad that I've grown up with spanking, because I learned from it. I'd really much rather have a little pain in my childhood then have learned that I can get away with things and end up in jail. It's so incredibly important to shape a child in a correct way, and a loving way. In all my life, even as a child, I never doubted that my parents had good reason for punishing me, though I did hate it. :P

The whole problem is that there are parents who don't use punishment(and therefore spanking) correctly. I'm not a parent, but even I can tell when spankings are used wrongly. Sure, it's up to the parent, and you'll never see me correcting a parent(I'm 16 for heaven's sake) but there's a fine line between abuse and positive reinforcement. It really comes down to whether a parent is dealing out punishment through anger or through love. It makes a world of difference...

I love this...in school, a lot of us juniors and seniors were debating spanking...and it was a really interesting conversation.
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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Lightbulb621 » Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:40 am

Tyrison wrote:The whole problem is that there are parents who don't use punishment(and therefore spanking) correctly. I'm not a parent, but even I can tell when spankings are used wrongly. Sure, it's up to the parent, and you'll never see me correcting a parent(I'm 16 for heaven's sake) but there's a fine line between abuse and positive reinforcement. It really comes down to whether a parent is dealing out punishment through anger or through love. It makes a world of difference...

I completely completely agree with this.

In the poll I picked "No, some go overboard and kids get injured or scared". I definitely agree with the second choice too. From personal experience, I know what is the difference. I know that a lot of people don't get 'abused' by their parents and such, so they don't know what's it like. Going through those kinds of things mentally scar me. It's a scary experience and I've dealt with that for years and years and years. But I feel like I'd be a bad person to just blame my parents about everything, because I guess, it's not completely true. Yes, most of the hitting they do is out of anger, stress, etc. and they don't realize it, but we need to take into consideration the upbringing of them too. My parents are Asian-born--born in Taiwan. The lifestyle there compared to here is very different. School and obedience are probably the two most important things that go on over there. Also take into consideration the time period. They were teenagers 20-30 years ago and times have changed. What I'm trying to say is that their upbringing affects how they treat me now, even if they don't realize it. They've never lived in the States when they were young, so they don't know how children here are brought up. So yeah, I think the main reason why some parents go as far as 'abuse' because of their childhood/upbringing.
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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby NerdGurl » Sat Jun 20, 2015 6:14 pm

There are six children in my family. Spankings were are common punishment, but only if we were guilty of the crime. There were two kinds of spanks in my family: mom spanks and dad spanks. But neither were very harsh and it did not happen very often.
I think spankings are an important part of parenting. But not abusive spanking. One should only be spanked if they were guilty.

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Re: Slapping/spanking your child

Postby Athena32 » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:00 pm

I feel like nowadays adults punish kids to lightly, and there is a lot of respect missing. Part of respect is a bit of fear, so without the touch of fear, kids don't really pay attention. I was stuck in a class where the teacher didn't punish, and I felt like screaming sometimes. If the teacher had been able to spank occasionally, it would have been much, much better. Spanking is a good thing, used in moderation.
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